Afraid To Tell
A Poem by Danny Ballan from The Scream Poem Collection
I am afraid to tell who I am—
the songs I sing every day,
the hymns of love, the prayers
the words that lift me up
might stand a chance to be a brick
on your high walls where I may fit a category,
or I may not.
Your interpretation of god,
for which I may be banished,
to spend the rest of my life
in fear and contempt,
terrified at every corner
for a lurking shadow
might be awaiting to destroy me,
for I am the new anomaly
in your mysterious formula
that tells the difference
between life and death.
Poem Insights
Afraid To Tell: A Literary Commentary on the Fear of Being Seen
Poetry has a way of touching upon the most intimate corners of human existence, often laying bare emotions we may struggle to articulate. Danny Ballan’s poem, Afraid To Tell, is one such exploration—one that speaks to the deep, universal fear of revealing our true selves in a world that seeks to categorize, judge, and sometimes, condemn. This poem is not just about personal identity but about the perilous tightrope one walks when authenticity is met with intolerance.
The poem’s opening line, “I am afraid to tell who I am”, sets the stage for a confession that never fully comes. There is an immediate sense of anxiety, a hesitation rooted in the fear of judgment. But why should someone be afraid to reveal their true self? What societal constructs make authenticity so dangerous? The speaker is burdened by this fear—not simply the fear of rejection, but of something much more ominous: the possibility of exile, persecution, or even destruction.
The Weight of Words and the Walls of Judgment
The imagery in the poem suggests a world where people are forced into predefined categories. The speaker’s songs, hymns, prayers, and words—expressions of identity and faith—are not just personal truths but potential bricks in the walls others construct. This metaphor of being reduced to a single brick in someone else’s high wall is striking. It highlights how society often simplifies individuals, forcing them into rigid classifications that erase their complexity.
But what happens to those who don’t fit? The poem suggests two possibilities: one can be wedged into the structure of someone else’s worldview, losing individuality, or one may simply not fit at all—remaining an outcast. The line, “or I may not”, carries a quiet devastation. What happens to those who fall outside the boundaries of acceptance?
Does society have a need to categorize people so rigidly? Why do we fear those who challenge these categories? And most importantly, do we imprison ourselves within these walls as much as we imprison others?
The Fear of Exile and the Shadows That Lurk
The poem takes on a darker tone as it shifts from fear of judgment to fear of outright punishment. The mention of “banishment” suggests that the consequences of honesty are not merely social isolation but complete removal from a place of belonging. The poem’s religious undertones—phrases like “your interpretation of god” and “the hymns of love”—suggest that faith, rather than being a source of comfort, can become a weapon against those who do not conform to a singular doctrine.
The speaker is left “terrified at every corner”, aware that something dangerous lurks in the shadows. This is not paranoia but a well-founded fear—the kind that has led many throughout history to hide their beliefs, identities, and true selves to survive. The world has seen this pattern play out in many forms: religious persecution, systemic oppression, social ostracization, and the silencing of voices that dare to speak out.
But why does difference so often invite hostility? Why does deviation from the norm feel like a threat to those who uphold the status quo? And if we are all capable of being the persecuted, are we also capable of being the persecutor?
The Anomaly in the Formula
The final lines of the poem present an almost mathematical problem: “for I am the new anomaly in your mysterious formula that tells the difference between life and death.” The word anomaly is crucial here. It suggests that the speaker’s mere existence disrupts an established system. If the formula—this constructed worldview—determines what is acceptable, then an anomaly is more than an inconvenience; it is a danger to that entire framework.
But why must identity be reduced to a formula? Can human existence be so neatly divided between what is acceptable and what is not? And if so, who gets to decide?
Questions That Echo Beyond the Poem
Instead of offering answers, Afraid To Tell provokes us to question the world we live in and the structures we uphold. It asks us to reflect on our roles in this dynamic—whether as the fearful speaker, the shadowy enforcer of norms, or the silent observer who does nothing.
- What does it mean to live authentically in a world that demands conformity?
- How do we determine what is acceptable and what is not? Who sets these rules?
- Why do people fear what they do not understand? And why does fear so often lead to violence or exclusion?
- Is acceptance a privilege granted by the powerful, or is it a fundamental right that should not be questioned?
- If we are afraid to reveal who we are, does that mean we are living at all?
Danny Ballan’s Afraid To Tell is a deeply moving reflection on the fear of being seen for who we truly are. It speaks to anyone who has ever felt the weight of societal expectations, who has hesitated before revealing their beliefs, their identity, or their truth. In doing so, the poem does not merely articulate a singular experience but echoes the voices of countless individuals who have felt the same.
Ultimately, the poem leaves us with a challenge: to examine our own role in the structures that allow fear to flourish, and perhaps, to begin dismantling the walls that imprison both ourselves and others.
This poem is from Danny’s The Scream poem collection, which is available to buy on Amazon.
0 Comments