SparkCast Episode
The SparkCast episode is not just a reading of the article below; it’s a lively discussion based on the topic of the article, so you don’t want to miss it!
What’s Your “If Only”?
What’s that one thing you’d do “if only”? “If only I wasn’t so scared of failure, I’d start my own business.” “If only I wasn’t so afraid of rejection, I’d ask them out.” “If only I wasn’t terrified of looking stupid, I’d learn to paint.” We all have that sentence, that dream that’s being held hostage by a feeling. It’s the one fear that holds you back, the personal dragon that guards the treasure you most desire. Today, let’s take a look inside our own heads to understand where this dragon comes from and how we can learn to work with it.
Meet Your Brain’s Bodyguard: The Amygdala
Deep inside your brain, in the temporal lobe, are two little almond-shaped clusters of neurons called the amygdala. Think of the amygdala as your brain’s hyper-vigilant, slightly paranoid bodyguard. Its primary job is survival. It’s constantly scanning your environment for threats, and when it spots one, it sounds the alarm, triggering the classic “fight, flight, or freeze” response. This system is amazing when you’re face-to-face with a saber-toothed tiger. It floods your body with adrenaline and cortisol, sharpens your focus, and prepares you to survive.
When the Bodyguard Gets It Wrong
The problem is, your amygdala isn’t great at telling the difference between a real, life-threatening tiger and a “social” or “emotional” tiger. To your ancient brain wiring, the threat of public speaking can feel just as terrifying as the threat of being eaten. The fear of getting rejected for a job can trigger the same alarm bells as being exiled from the tribe. Your heart pounds, your palms sweat, and your mind goes blank. Your bodyguard is trying to save you, but it’s reacting to a modern fear with an ancient, primal tool. This is the fear that holds you back—your survival instinct kicking in at the wrong time.
The Most Common Dragons We Face
While our dreams are unique, our fears are often strikingly similar. The big ones? Fear of failure: What if I try and fall flat on my face? Fear of rejection: What if they say no? Fear of the unknown: What if I leave my comfortable life for something new and it’s a disaster? Fear of not being good enough (imposter syndrome): Who am I to even try this? All of these fears are rooted in that fundamental need for safety and belonging. Our brain interprets failure or rejection as a threat to our social standing, which, in our evolutionary past, was a threat to our very survival.
The Prefrontal Cortex to the Rescue
So are we just slaves to our panicky amygdala? Not at all. We have another, more recently evolved part of our brain: the prefrontal cortex. This is your brain’s CEO, the center for rational thought, planning, and self-control. The key to managing fear is to strengthen the connection between your rational prefrontal cortex and your emotional amygdala. When the amygdala screams “PANIC!”, the prefrontal cortex can step in and say, “Hey, hold on. Let’s look at this rationally. This isn’t a tiger. It’s just an important email. We are safe.”
How to Train Your Dragon (Seriously)
So how do you strengthen that connection? First, name it to tame it. Simply acknowledging and labeling the fear—”Okay, I’m feeling the fear of failure right now”—can activate your prefrontal cortex and calm the amygdala. Second, take tiny, manageable steps. Fear loves to be overwhelming. Break your scary goal into ridiculously small actions. Just want to write a book? Your goal today is to write one sentence. This proves to your brain that the task isn’t a threat. Third, practice mindfulness and deep breathing. This is a direct biological hack that tells your nervous system to switch from “fight or flight” to “rest and digest.” It calms the physical symptoms of fear, which in turn calms the mental panic.
Fear Doesn’t Disappear, It Just Gets a New Job
The goal isn’t to eliminate fear. Fear is a vital emotion that keeps us safe. The goal is to change your relationship with it. Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s acting in spite of it. It’s about letting your prefrontal cortex, the part of you that holds your dreams and values, be the one driving the car, while the amygdala can sit in the passenger seat and shout warnings if it wants. You can hear it, you can acknowledge it, but you don’t have to let it grab the steering wheel.
Final Thoughts
Let’s be brave together. What is the one fear that you feel holds you back the most, and what is one tiny, ridiculously small step you could take this week to move toward that dream anyway? Share it in the comments below. You never know who you might inspire.
Discussion Questions
- Think about a time you overcame a fear. What did that experience teach you about your own capabilities?
- How does the fear of what other people think influence your decisions? Is that fear serving you or limiting you?
- If you knew you could not fail, what is the first thing you would do? What does your answer reveal about your deepest desires?
Speaking Challenge
Here’s a speaking challenge to help you reframe your relationship with fear. Personify your fear. Give it a name and a personality. Then, have a one-minute conversation with it out loud.
- Hint 1: Start by acknowledging it. “Okay, Bartholomew, I see you’re here. You’re telling me that this job interview is terrifying and I’m going to mess it up.”
- Hint 2: Thank it for its concern. “I know you’re just trying to protect me, and I appreciate that. Thanks for looking out for me.”
- Hint 3: Set a boundary and state your intention. “But I’m going to do this anyway. I’ve prepared, and this is important to me. You can come along for the ride, but I’m in charge.”
This might feel silly, but it’s a powerful way to separate yourself from the emotion and reclaim your power.
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