Interview with Achilles
Danny: This is your host Danny, and this is Fantasy Guest Plus, a podcast by Plus Podcast Network.
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And now without further ado, let’s welcome our guest for today. We have the champion of Troy himself in the flesh with us in the studio today. I want you to welcome Achilles.
Danny: Welcome to Fantasy Guests Plus and thank you for accepting our invitation.
Achilles: No problem. Anyway I had nothing better to do but watch nymph bathe in honey and kick all the other guys asses in our daily practice.
Danny: All right. So it seems you are having a great time in there.
Achilles: Well, you know being a hero and all, and especially if one of your parents happen to be a goddess, that gives you a lot of advantage after you die.
Danny: Ok. So my first question to you is perhaps the question that all people wonder about when they think about Achilles. Did you like Brad Pitt playing you in the movie?
Achilles: Man, that guy can pull off an Achilles. That’s for sure. But I’ll have to say that I can kick his ass any time I want, but the thing that bothers me the most is that he has a lot of following on all social media channels and I struggle to get a couple of likes on any photo I post even though I named all my social profiles The Real Achilles.
Danny: Well, don’t milk it, my friend. You’re only a character from a book, are you not?
Achilles: Well, if you say so, but since I am here, indulge me. And anyway I like the reception much better here, so maybe that is the problem. You know if you want to get a good reception in the land of that mother***** Hades, you need to get dangerously close to the Styx and that is not for the faint of heart, but you know me. I am afraid of nothing. Charon, that lucky bastard always has the best reception in the underworld
Danny: Did you just hear what I said. You’re just a character.
Achilles: Aren’t we all. Wasn’t that what that fella Shakespeare said. All the world’s a stage. So you’re a character, too. And oh if you mean whether I was real or not. I know that’s been confusing for you for a long time, and you’re still wondering about who Homer was or if he was a real person or not. I kinda like it, seeing you confused and all. It’s actually funny when you spend a lot of time studying and researching trivial things. We never bothered to do that back in our day. You’re either strong or you know what you want to do in life, you just do it. Either live the way you like or die. It was that simple.
Danny: Are you telling me that your times are better than now?
Danny: But you had slaves and you had slave girls everywhere you went. That is totally unacceptable in our time. Doesn’t it bother you at all?
Achilles: Why would it bother me? It was ok back then and it is still ok now?
Danny: No it’s not. It’s definitely unacceptable.
Achilles: Unacceptable? not really. Illegal? maybe in most countries anyway. Still happening? Every day. You know we kinda see everything from down there. That’s the biggest advantage we have when we die and since we don’t have television down there. Hades’ rules, we are allowed to tune in into anybody’s life and it’s our kind of reality TV. You know the real difference between you and me is that I owned it. I was never ashamed of who I was, and I am still not. But you and your politics. You always say what you don’t mean and being nice and diplomatic is always better than the truth for you.
Danny: Well, that’s kind of harsh coming from you. But since you’re our guest. I will let it go and move on.
Achilles: Or else you would do what exactly?
Danny: Please sit down. We’re cool.
Achilles: That’s what I thought.
Danny: All right. Let me ask you then do you miss home?
Achilles: Not really. You know I don’t think I belong to your world anymore and everything sounds and looks weird to me. Everything is too fast. Everyone wants everything nowadays and they don’t have the guts to get what they want.
Danny: But you were like that yourself when you were a young man. You wanted everything, did you not?
Achilles: That’s not true. I didn’t want everything. I just wanted glory in combat and I had that at the expense of having a very short life, but I never cared about money and gold like you all do nowadays and the problem is that you have no idea what to do with all the money you get if you get it. By the way, what’s Bitcoin?
Danny: Where did you hear about that?
Achilles: Well. It’s everything Minos is talking about these days.
Danny: Minos, like in King Minos.
Achilles: Yeah. You know I’m a big shot down there. Royalty kills to spend time with me.
Danny: So I must be honored then to have you here.
Achilles: Of course. I refused to appear on many other big shot podcasts and I chose your podcast because I have decided recently that I should do some charitable work. You know like giving a coin to a beggar.
Danny: Well thank you. It’s an honor. What can I say?
Achilles: But don’t worry about it. It’s true that you are nobody today, but after this interview with me, you’re going to compete with the big guys. I am a man of my word. I gave you an exclusive and you know my name will shine through this podcast of yours and you shall bathe in my fame and glory.
Danny: Thanks again, I guess.
Achilles: But you still haven’t answered my question. What is Bitcoin?
Danny: Well, I’m not an expert in digital currency myself, but all I know is that Bitcoin is a decentralized digital currency, without a central bank or single administrator. It can be sent from user to user on the peer-to-peer bitcoin network without the need for intermediaries.
Achilles: Well that does remind me of something.
Danny: Really, What’s that?
Achilles: That reminds me when that mother*****, Loki tried to sell me shares in what he called Odin Incorporated, and I was stupid enough to buy. That was supposed to get a box in those illegal fights he was arranging, but when the day came, the whole thing was bogus and apparently, the rule was that anyone who arrived first could get the box, and some of my good friends were already there, so I didn’t want to embarrass them by kicking them out or something.
Danny: Excuse me. How’s that similar to Bitcoin?
Achilles: I thought 3000 years were enough to grow some brains, but it seems you still need more time. What’s in common. Not Loki if you’re wondering. He is banned from doing any business here on the surface.
Achilles: It’s bogus you idiot. Can’t you tell. Where’s the money? Show me the money. There’s a good movie I watched on my way here that had this phrase. What was it, Jerry Maguire. Maybe, but you I like anything Tom Cruise is in. He could have played the role of Achilles in the movie, you know. Or maybe not. Brad was great.
Danny: But Loki? Are you sure? He comes from a different myth.
Achilles: Ah, you still believe I am not real. Ok. Well it’s like McDonald’s. Gods and heroes have franchises all over the world, but people tend to call us different names, but we all ended up in the same place.
Danny: Ok, let’s talk about something else. I wouldn’t want to start a rumor from my podcast. Well, since you have a lot of experience in warfare, what do you think of today’s weapons? I mean I’m sure you’ve seen our weapons. We don’t need swords and spears anymore.
Achilles: Yeah because you’re sissies.
Danny: Excuse me.
Achilles: Yeah, believe it. You don’t have the guts to stand man to man with no stupid advantage that comes from thousands of miles away with some guy pressing on a button and wins the battle for you. Back in our time, we had to bathe in blood and mud to finally taste victory, today men with suits win battles without soiling their shoes.
Danny: And how’s that bad? A single battalion can defeat armies of your people.
Achilles: Maybe, but still you’re sissies. And eventually when you come down to Hades’ you will be delighted to know that no firearms are allowed in there, so all this advantage you think you have will be gone.
Danny: But you still acknowledge that we are far superior, no?
Achilles: You know what really bothers me?
Danny: What? Or who? Me?
Achilles: No, not you particularly. All of you. You have the technology to make life on this planet prosperous for everyone. We didn’t have that choice back in our day. Life was rough, resources were scarce, people were violent; well, maybe that’s one thing that never changed. Anyway, you do have the power today to end wars, you have the technology, the resources, you can communicate with anyone around the world instantly, but you still use all these technologies to destroy each other.
Danny: Are you telling me that if you had possessed this technology, you wouldn’t have gone to war against everyone.
Achilles: Maybe, I don’t know, but you know 3000 years of sitting around doing nothing but thinking gives you a totally new perspective in life. But can you imagine if we had mobile phones back then. Or the internet, or better yet Entertainment Tonight. We would have known the whole story behind that ****ing gold apple and that deal between Paris and Aphrodite which led to that stupid war between the Trojans and us.
Danny: But that’s how you became glorious.
Achilles: I was a fool. You want to believe that I had glory. You want a hero. Look around. Why are Marvel movies so popular. Don’t get wrong, I like them. Well, actually everybody likes them down there. Even Hades comes sometimes and watches them with us. But why are these movies so popular. You have this need of heroes in your life. Someone to make you believe that there is something more precious in this life than life itself. I don’t want to ruin my reputation now and your listeners will think I’m like Socrates. But 3000 years of thinking makes you change the way you think and philosophy will inevitably find its way to your brain.
Danny: Are you saying that you regret fighting in Troy?
Achilles: No, I did what I had to do, and there is no turning back. Even I know that you cannot change the past, and if I ever go back in time, I would have been the same fool I was and I would have done the same stupid things I did. But with what I know today, yes I know that it was stupid what we did in Troy.
Danny: Was it because you fought over women. Helen and you slave girl.
Achilles: No. It is because we died over these women. There is nothing more honorable to fight for a woman but not over one. I could have lived for a woman. I could have chosen to have a life with a woman, but I chose glory instead and look at what that inspired into the minds of people. Even the ones around me. I destroyed them all and then myself. What a glory!
Danny: Wow, I didn’t expect that to come from you.
Achilles: Well, you should have seen those heroes that you cherish and love crying over the years lost from their lives because of pride and stupidity. I even saw Hades cry one time.
Danny: Well, our time is nearly up, but man I have to say that this is nothing like what I expected it would be. You did surprise me.
Achilles: I could have forgiven a dumb brute. Like in the movie, right? Well, that’s my favorite part of the movie, anyway.
Danny: So, Achilles son of Peleus. Any last thought or things you would like to say to our listeners.
Achilles: Well, yes, actually I would like to remind them that it is really me. The Real Achilles on Facebook, twitter, you name it, so the next time I see a bad comment on my social media, you know I am for real, and I will get you. I may be wiser, but I’m still Achilles. Don’t you ever forget that.
Danny: Well, thank you for this kind threat to all our listeners. I hope no one ever tries to make you angry. I know I wouldn’t.
Achilles: You bet.
Danny: Well, thank you very much, Achilles son of Peleus for being with us today. And a big thanks to our listeners for sticking around. Next time we’re going to have a special guest from the world of music. I’m not gonna tell you who that will be, but I assure you that you will like the surprise we have for you.
Don’t forget to subscribe to our Plus Podcast Network on Apple Podcasts to enjoy all our free and premium shows in one place, or become our patron on Patreon to have access to all our shows on our website englishpluspodcast.com.
Until next time, this is your host Danny and this is Fantasy Guests Plus a podcast from Plus Podcast Network. Thank you very much for listening. I will see you next time.