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Thinking Out Loud

You Are Not a Puzzle to Be Solved: The Messy, Beautiful Journey to Your True Self

You Are Not a Puzzle to Be Solved: The Messy, Beautiful Journey to Your True Self

Who were you before the world told you who you should be? Before the job titles, the expectations, and the quiet weight of other people’s dreams were placed upon your shoulders? The journey to discovering your true self can feel like searching for a mythical creature, a perfect, fully-formed being hidden somewhere deep inside. But what if I told you that you are not a puzzle to be solved, but a story that is still being written? And you, my friend, are holding the pen.

The Myth of the Finished Painting

We talk about “finding ourselves” as if we’ve been misplaced, like a set of car keys that, if we just retrace our steps, we’ll discover under a couch cushion. We imagine our True Self is a finished portrait hanging in a dusty attic of our subconscious, and our life’s work is simply to find it, wipe it clean, and present it to the world.

What a tremendous, paralyzing pressure that is. It implies there’s a “right” version of you and that you could somehow get it “wrong.”

But that’s a myth. You are not a finished painting. You are the artist, the canvas, and the chaotic, beautiful mess of paint all at once. Every day, with every choice, you are adding a brushstroke. Some days it’s a bold, confident splash of color. Other days it’s a hesitant, muddy smudge you might want to paint over later. But it’s all part of the masterpiece. The goal isn’t to reveal a pre-made image, but to have the courage to keep painting, to keep creating the person you are becoming. Self-discovery isn’t a discovery at all; it’s an act of radical, ongoing creation.

Following the Breadcrumbs of Joy

So, if we’re not on a treasure hunt for a static “self,” what’s our compass? How do we navigate this journey of creation? The answer is simpler and quieter than you think. You follow the breadcrumbs. Not breadcrumbs of ambition or expectation, but breadcrumbs of genuine, unadulterated joy.

I’m talking about the small, almost imperceptible sparks. That little hum of contentment you feel when you perfectly organize a bookshelf. The thrill you get from solving a complex problem in a spreadsheet. The quiet peace that settles over you when you’re digging in a garden, your hands covered in dirt. The giddiness of singing off-key in your car to a song from your teenage years.

These moments are not trivial. They are clues. They are your soul whispering, “Yes. More of this, please.” For so long, we’re taught to follow the big, loud signposts: the prestigious career, the financial goals, the socially approved hobbies. We forget to listen for the whispers. What did you love to do as a child, before anyone told you if it was productive or profitable? Was it drawing, telling stories, taking things apart to see how they worked? That’s your North Star. Following that joy, even in tiny, five-minute increments, is how you add the most vibrant colors to your canvas.

Embracing the “Cringe” Chapters of Your Life

Now, let’s talk about the parts of our past that make us wince. You know what I mean. That questionable fashion phase in 2008. The personality you adopted to fit in with a certain crowd. The career path you pursued for all the wrong reasons. We tend to look back at these past selves with embarrassment, as if they were failures or detours from our “true” path.

But they weren’t detours. They were chapters.

Imagine your favorite novel. Would you rip out the chapters where the hero makes a mistake, trusts the wrong person, or acts foolishly? Of course not. Those chapters are essential. They provide the conflict, the growth, the lessons that make the hero’s eventual triumph so meaningful. Your life is no different. The “cringe” version of you from ten years ago wasn’t a mistake; they were a necessary draft. They were doing the best they could with the information they had. They took the risks, made the messes, and learned the lessons so that you, the person you are today, could exist.

True self-discovery requires a radical act of self-forgiveness.1 It’s about looking back at every version of you with compassion and gratitude, integrating their lessons into who you are now. You are not a disjointed collection of identities; you are a single, epic story, and every single chapter belongs.

The People Who Hold Up the Mirror

This journey isn’t a solo expedition into the wilderness of your soul. We are social creatures, and we discover ourselves in the reflection of others. Pay close attention to the people in your life. Who holds up a mirror that shows you a version of yourself you love and recognize?

I’m talking about the friend who sees your potential before you do, who reminds you of your strength when you feel weak. The partner who loves your weird, quirky habits that you thought you had to hide. The mentor who challenges you not to be someone else, but to be a more fully realized version of you. These people are your mirrors. They don’t cast a distorted, fun-house reflection of who you should be; they reflect the light that’s already inside you, making it easier for you to see it yourself.

Conversely, be mindful of the mirrors that show you a stranger. The relationships that require you to shrink, to perform, to wear a mask that feels heavy and ill-fitting. Sometimes, the bravest act on the journey of self-creation is to gently put those mirrors down and walk away, thanking them for what they showed you, but choosing to seek out reflections that feel like truth.

The Courage to Be a Beginner

If you want to know who you are, stop thinking about it and start doing something. Specifically, do something you are absolutely, terribly, wonderfully bad at.

Fear of looking foolish is one of the biggest cages we build for ourselves. We stick to what we know, to the skills we’ve already mastered, because it feels safe. But safety is the enemy of growth. Your true self isn’t hiding in your comfort zone. It’s waiting for you out on the wobbly, uncertain limbs of the new.

So, be a beginner. Take that pottery class and make a lopsided, hideous bowl. Try learning a new language and stumble through your first awkward conversation. Attempt to bake a cake from scratch and have it collapse into a sugary black hole. Laugh about it. The goal isn’t to become an expert overnight. The goal is to feel the exhilarating terror of incompetence and survive. In that space of not-knowing, you learn what you’re capable of. You discover your own resilience, your capacity for humor, and you might just stumble upon a brand new breadcrumb of joy you never knew existed.

Your Life is the Grandest Adventure

Ultimately, the journey to your true self isn’t about arriving at a final destination and planting a flag. You will never be “done.” Thank goodness for that. How boring would that be?

The whole point is the journey itself. It’s the daily, conscious act of choosing what color to add to the canvas. It’s the courage to paint over a section that no longer feels true. It’s the joy of mixing a new color you’ve never seen before. Your life isn’t a problem to be solved; it’s an adventure to be lived. And the most authentic, true, and beautiful version of you is the one who is brave enough to fully live it.

What’s Your Next Brushstroke?

This is your canvas, your story, your grand adventure. So I’ll leave you with this: What’s one small breadcrumb of joy you’ve noticed lately that you could follow this week? What’s one new thing you could have the courage to be a beginner at?

Share your thoughts in the comments. I want to hear about the messy, beautiful, and courageous brushstrokes you’re adding to your own masterpiece. Let’s inspire each other to keep painting.

Learn English

Spark Magazine

Weekly News

A Special Announcement: The Next Chapter for English Plus

Aug 8, 2025

Hello everyone, and welcome to a slightly different kind of Friday episode. There’s no topic from history or science today. Instead, I want to do something I haven’t done in a while: I want to pull back the curtain and have a direct conversation with you. Just you and me.

Because this podcast, this community we’ve built together, is about to evolve in a way that I am incredibly excited about, and I want to share the why, the what, and the how with you personally.

Before I say anything else, I just need to start with thank you. Whether you’ve been listening since the very first episode or you just found the show last week, your time and attention are the most valuable things you can give, and I am endlessly grateful that you choose to spend some of it here with me. This entire journey is only possible because of you.

And here, I want to extend a very warm thank you to all my Patreon supporters and Apple Podcasts subscribers, and I wish I had the time to mention every one by name, but I can’t miss this opportunity not to mention my greatest supporter and friend, Rada, for her standing by me and by this show for so long. English Plus and I owe a great debt of gratitude to you. I couldn’t have done that without you, so thank you very much my dear friend.

I would also like to thank Deepak for being my very first supporter when no one knew what English Plus was, to be honest, even before it was even called English Plus Podcast. And there are names that have become so familiar to me over the years, who have been the bedrock of this community: Adnan, Susanne, Javier, Brena, Elena, Rui, Ihar, Sammy, Socrates, Akio, Alina, Angel, Binam, Carlos, Srinivasa, Thomas, Catalin, Guiseppe, Cristiane, Adian, Barbara, Tuan, Piotr, Afshin, Tunita, Agnieszka, Wilasinee, Ewa, Cecy, Ismael, Sai, Omar, Jailton…to these individuals, and to the hundreds of others on Patreon whose support I see and appreciate every single month. My thanks also go to all of my subscribers on Apple Podcasts. I may not be able to see your names, but I see your support, and it means the world to me. I’m sure you’re listening to me right now, so thank you very much.

Part 1: The ‘Why’ – A Look Back and a Look Forward

For the longest time, as many of you know, I followed a pretty intense schedule. For a while, it was seven different topics a week, one for each day. And if I’m being completely honest with you, I really enjoyed it. It was an incredible challenge. I got to explore everything from Dante’s Inferno to the details of CRISPR, and the amount I learned was staggering. It was like a workout for my brain every single day.

But over time, I started to feel a growing sense of… well, a sense that I wasn’t doing these incredible topics justice. I felt like I was only ever scratching the surface. We’d have one fascinating episode on a huge topic like cognitive biases, and then we’d have to move on the next day. I always had this nagging feeling that there was so much more depth, so many more interesting stories and details we were leaving behind.

And I realized, if I felt that way as the creator, you must have felt it too as the listener.

I asked myself a simple question: What if, instead of going wide, we went deep? What if we could take one of these fascinating subjects and give it the time and attention it truly deserves?

Part 2: The ‘What’ – Introducing Thematic Weeks

And that question is what led to the big change I’m so thrilled to announce today.

Starting next Monday, English Plus Podcast is moving to a “Thematic Week” model.

What that means is that each week, Monday to Friday, we will explore one single, fascinating topic in a five-part deep dive. We’ll be able to connect dots, explore nuances, and really immerse ourselves in a subject in a way we never could before. And of course, because we are English Plus, there will always be those language focus sections that you love to take you knowledge and English to the next level, so this part of our episode is not going anywhere.

This change is all about raising the quality and depth of the show. It’s about respecting your intelligence and curiosity by giving you a more cohesive, comprehensive, and satisfying learning experience.

Part 3: The ‘How’ – The New Free vs. Premium Model

Now, this brings me to the second part of this evolution. As you know, this podcast is my passion, but it is also my work. It’s a one-person operation, and it’s only made possible by the incredible generosity of my subscribers on Apple Podcasts and Patreon. Their support is what keeps the lights on and allows me to dedicate the immense amount of time needed for research, writing, and production.

So, when designing this new format, my goal was to do two things simultaneously:

  1. Give more high-quality content to everyone for free, on all platforms.
  2. Give my paying subscribers something even more valuable and special to thank them for their support.

I believe I’ve found a way to do that, and I want to be completely transparent about how it will work. Here’s the plan:

For Everyone, on ALL platforms (Spotify, Google Podcasts, etc.):

You will still get a new episode from me, Monday through Friday. The big difference is that now, those five episodes will be part of one cohesive story. You will get the full narrative, the deep dive into the week’s topic—what I’ve started calling the “Plus” part of the show. It’s a complete, engaging experience.

For my Premium Subscribers (on Apple Podcasts & Patreon):

You get the “Plus,” and you also get the “English.” Attached to every single one of those daily episodes will be our signature “Focus on Language” section. This is the premium upgrade: the expert lesson, the deep dive into vocabulary and grammar, delivered ad-free.

And to make sure everyone understands the value of these lessons, every Monday’s episode will be a “Full Experience” showcase. The main topic and the full “Focus on Language” section will be completely free for everyone. You’ll get to see exactly what the premium experience is like, every single week.

Part 4: What’s Coming Next

I am so incredibly excited about the content we have planned. To give you a taste, our first 4-week cycle will be:

  • Week 1: A deep dive into “Understanding Cognitive Biases,” where we’ll explore the mental shortcuts that shape our lives.
  • Week 2: We’ll have some fun with an “Urban Legends Deep Dive,” looking at the stories we tell and why we believe them.
  • Week 3: A very practical week on “How to Raise Lifelong Learners,” a topic close to my heart.
  • Week 4: And to cap off our first month, I’ll be sharing something very personal—the world premiere of my own original novella, with my own music, called “Two Lovers of No Man’s Land.”

This is the new English Plus Podcast. Deeper, more cohesive, more engaging, and, I hope, more valuable to you than ever before.

This change is born from a desire to make the best show I possibly can. The heart of the podcast isn’t changing. My commitment to bringing you fascinating stories and helping you master the English language is stronger than ever. We’re just upgrading the framework to better serve that mission.

I would genuinely love to hear your thoughts on this new direction. This has always been a community, and your feedback means the world to me. You can always reach out to me through my email danny@englishpluspodcast.com, or directly on my Patreon page.

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for being here. I can’t wait to start this new chapter with you next week.

Become a Premium Subscriber:

I can’t wait to start this new chapter with you!

Plus Magazine

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